What Can I Do If He Won't Admit He's Cheating?

in Cheating

I often get frustrated letters from wives and girlfriends who don't know what they have to do to get their husbands or boyfriends to admit his cheating.  They often tell me things like "we both know he's being unfaithful but he absolutely will not admit it no matter what. He insists on keeping up this charade even though I don't believe him for a second.  What can I do? What will make him finally come clean?"  I'll address these questions in the following article.

The More You Push Him To Admit The Cheating, The More Likely He Is To Keep Right On Denying It: Many of us women have this fantasy or this hope that if we just keep right on pushing and accusing him of the cheating, eventually he's going to get so tired of this and is going to become so frustrated that he will finally blurt out "All right, you're right, I am cheating and I'll stop."

This is so unlikely to happen, as nice of a thought as it is.  The truth is, if a man has made a conscious decision to cheat, he's already weighed all of his options (not cheating, telling to truth, taking the moral high ground) and the consequences (either you'll find out or he can deny and keep up this charade) and he's come to a decision to act as he is right now. 

He's already demonstrated that he can overcome the guilt, the dishonesty and the moral dilemma that someone who had a bit more integrity could not overcome.  So, if you're expecting him to suddenly grow a conscious or give up this charade after he's worked so hard to play this game, you may be quite disappointed.  Men are often in this for the long haul.  They intend to keep right on going until they either get tired of this, the relationship with the other woman ends a natural death, or they decide to move on in some way.  It's unlikely that their going to change their mind after seeing this through for all this time.

Pulling Back Will Lower His Defenses: I believe that the best thing that you can do is to let your husband or boyfriend think that you've given up the hunt.  When I tell many women this, they'll say "well, how in the world am I suppose to act like nothing is happening? I'm just supposed to play the loving wife or girlfriend while I know that he's cheating on me?" No, I'm not asking you to do that.  I'm asking you to pretend to busy yourself with other things.  I'm asking you to take a step back from the relationship and come up with some diversion or obligation that you must turn your attention to at this time.

What does this do? It makes him lower his defenses.  He will no longer feel the need to be as careful or to look over his shoulder quite as much.

Finding The Evidence That Is Going To Make Him Have No Choice But To Admit His Cheating: If you're ever going to get him to admit what you know is true, you're likely going to have to give him no possible explanation at all.  What is he going to say once you catch him red handed or present him with incriminating texts, phone calls, photos, or emails?  There's just no logical excuse for these things.

So, you must play detective and find out where he is when he isn't with you.  You also should check out his phone, his car, and his computer for clues that can point you to where to look so that you can give him no out. Think about it. In order for him to cheat, he can not be two places at once.  The key for you is to be present (either in person or with technology) when he is with the other woman.

I know exactly how you feel. My husband continued to deny his cheating even though we both knew that he was. After thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to prove the truth. I was no longer going to allow him to insult my intelligence. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read a very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/

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Seeta Dean has 1 articles online

Seeta's catch cheating blog is at http://catch-the-cheating.com/

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What Can I Do If He Won't Admit He's Cheating?

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This article was published on 2010/11/05
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