Suspecting that your boyfriend or husband is cheating is often a catch 22. You sometimes badly want to be wrong, especially at first. You tell yourself that you're just under stress and are over reacting or are seeing things that just aren't really there. After a while though, some women progress to a point where they know in their heart that he's cheating (and even begin to collect the proof), and yet he has the audacity to continue to deny it. These women sometimes actually want to be right because they are tired of being disrespected and dismissed in this way. The resentment and frustration has built up so much that they just want to get the answer and to then deal with the results that follow. Whatever category you're in, the following article will tell you some of the best ways to tell that he's cheating and to remove all of the frustrating doubt.
Start With The Clues That Are Right In Front Of You And Take Them As The Total Of Pieces That Make Up A Whole: Often, it's not one little thing that tips you off. It isn't the occasional unknown numbers / texts on the cell phone or the bailing out on you once or twice. These things happen sometimes and are quite plausible.
If it was just one thing, you could probably dismiss it. What often really gives you pause is the combination of seemingly small things that just don't add up. Coincidence can happen, but not overwhelmingly and suddenly out of nowhere, all at once, over a reoccurring period of time. Take note if more than a few things raise your red flag. Notice the combination of several things that you can no longer ignore. Unfortunately, this often happens slowly over time so that by the time you're at the point where you can no longer turn a blind eye, it's progressed much longer than you want.
Take A Quick Glance At His Personal Spaces: This one is a little tricky because you don't want to be caught going through his stuff. But, when he's in the shower or away for a bit (where you can actually hear him coming back) check out his car (especially locked glove boxes), his personal junk drawers where you never usually go, his briefcase or backpack, and / or his workspace.
Many items that point to an affair or cheating are kept in his office (or school) because he assumes that you aren't going to go there. And most likely, normally, you aren't. But, you can come up with an excuse to drop in and then ask him to go get you a soda or to go get the phone you left in your car while you run to the rest room. (Use your own judgment. Do whatever works.) Once he's out, look in personal spaces in his office or work space – his junk drawer in his desk, his email, etc. He will often be a lot less guarded about where he puts things in his work than at home. Be very careful not to act suspicious. You don't want to tip him off. And, if you've played this right and he still acts defensive, take notice.
Lower His Defenses And Then Pursue: If you really know in your heart that he's cheating, don't tip him off or tell him about your suspicions until you have enough proof that he can't wiggle out of it. So, you don't come right out and ask him. This almost never gets you the response that you want. I know that you're hoping that he'll break down, admit everything, and immediately case all cheating, but it is so rare that this actually happens.
What it usually does is to just make the husband or boyfriend better at hiding it. So, don't say anything. Act as though everything is fine. And, if you have already brought it up, drop it for now. Present yourself as though you're satisfied with the explanations and are giving up the hunt. Then, come up with a reason why you have to go out of town or are going away with friends for the evening (or longer if you can manage it.) If you can, set it up before hand and talk about it several times, so that when it does occur, it doesn't come out of left field.
Of course, you're not really going out of town and you're not really going out with friends. You're getting him to let his guard down. Because once he does, he's going to be very easy to catch during this time period. He'll likely either openly have her over or he'll go to her, or at the very least he will be in touch with her in some way either by phone, text, or email. And, he won't be as careful about deleting the proof (although if he is, they are ways to get this anyway.)
Use The Technology That Is Available: If you really feel that it is necessary, you can track your man in a number of ways. You can use phone or car GPS. You can take his cell phone log and copy down the numbers that you don't recognize. Then, you can use reverse look up to see the address for the number. You can then take the address and log on to your property appraiser's office or circuit court website to see who owns that property. (Then, you'll know where to check when you have your time away.) If he's deleted the cell phone history, there is software to get it back (even if he's cleared the cookies or the cache.)
Likewise, you can place a tail on the computer. Even if he's opening anonymous email accounts or he thinks he's deleting every site that he's been to, there is almost always a blueprint left for quite some time later.
I was in this same situation a short time ago. My heart knew that he was cheating, but my head didn't want to acknowledge it. After thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read a very personal story at http://catch-the-cheating.com/