How Do I Know If My Husband Is Cheating On Me Or Having An Affair?

in Cheating

I often have wives ask me how can to know for sure if your husband is cheating or having an affair. In other words, how do you get from mere suspicion to knowing definitely, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is really cheating? Short of catching him in the act, you'll usually need cold, hard proof that neither of you can deny.  But, how can you go about getting this information without showing your suspicions (especially if you are wrong) and without hurting the relationship? I'll tell you in the following article.

Why Accusing Your Husband Of Cheating Or Confronting Him Often Doesn't Work: Many women who write me have this fantasy that they are going to go to their husband with their suspicions and the guilt of lying is going to overwhelm him, so that he'll come clean without your ever having to spy on him or go undercover.  I sure wish this were true.  It would make things a lot easier, but the reality is that this rarely happens.

See, if your husband has been cheating, he's already gotten over the lying hump. He's already successfully lied to you and was able to get over any guilt that he felt to continue on. Or, if he is feeling guilty, this usually goes out the window once he's with her once again.

Alternatively, some women will hope that confronting him with their feeling that he is cheating will somehow make him know that he's not fooling anyone, that he isn't going to get away with this, so he may as well stop. Or, they hope that seeing that his wife is catching on will show him that the affair is not worth the risk.  Here's the problem with this thinking. Often, a man will only use your suspicions against you.  If you tell him you know he didn't work late, he's only going to make sure that he does from here on out so that you'll look crazy for even wondering.

Sometimes this little talk with your husband may bring out some resolve in him that this affair is just too risky and too much trouble, but then he'll go back to work or wherever the mistress is, and once she continues on acting in the same way, he'll be able to justify that he hasn't actually been caught and now will cover his tracks better and in just an instant he's back on board, even though he didn't intend to be. He's already shown he has poor impulse control, so he isn't likely to reign that in until he absolutely has to.

Why It's Better To Wait Until You Know You Are Absolutely Right Until You Confront Him About The Cheating: As I've alluded to, it's better to hold off until you have no doubt at all in your mind of what you know to be true.  No more just thinking or suspecting, but knowing.  First, there's always the small chance that you're wrong and that your suspicions were the result of some other issue between you. Second, even if you are right, tipping your hand too early may just allow him to wiggle or talk his way out of it.  You want to be sure and you want to be right.  So, gather your evidence before you have this confrontation.

Tools To Help You Catch Your Cheating Husband: So let's move on to gathering this evidence.  There are often two trails to follow – his person and his technology.  By his person, I mean the man himself.  To cheat, he's going to have to be with her and not with you.  So, any time that he should be with you and you find his absence suspicious, you should ask yourself how you can get to the bottom of this.  Is he telling you he has to work late AGAIN? Well, you can find out if this is true.  You can park yourself outside his office.  (Bring shopping bags so that if he sees you, you can claim you were running errands.) Don't give him a reason to know what you're doing until you're ready.

Don't want to risk him catching you following him? Put an undetectable GPS tracker on his car and link that up to your personal computer.  This way, you're following him, but not in person. If he tells you he's going to be in one place, but his car and your computer is telling you something else, then you'll need to follow up.  (Many cell phones also have GPS in them also.)

Speaking of cell phones, this falls under the technology category that I spoke of earlier.  Although text messages and outgoing and incoming calls can be erased, they can also be uncovered, just like your computer information can.  Speaking of a computer, his is often full of clues and correspondence that will point you right to her.  Even if he deletes his in box or his "sent messages," you can often retrieve them. 

And know too that many cheaters will get themselves a free hot mail, gmail, or account just for this relationship.  You can usually find these too as well as the passwords.  The same holds true for the prepaid cheap phone that he will often buy just to talk to her only. Sometimes, if he knows you're on the trail, he will throw the first away, only to get another eventually.

I was in this same situation a short time ago. My heart knew that he was cheating, but my head didn't want to acknowledge it. But after thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. Once I presented this to him, he had no choice but to come clean. You can read a very personal story at

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Seeta Dean has 1 articles online

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How Do I Know If My Husband Is Cheating On Me Or Having An Affair?

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This article was published on 2010/10/13
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