Do Men Act Different When They Are Cheating On You?

in Cheating

I often get emails from women who notice a difference in their husband and boyfriend and worry that this difference might mean that he is cheating.  The difference may be in his behavior, his appearance, his attitude, his personality, or his routine.  But, whatever it is that they notice, most women do notice a change.  It may subtle, but it's often there just the same.  However, this difference isn't always a negative or stereotypical one.  It isn't always what you might expect.  I will discuss this more in the following article.

You'll Usually (But Not Always) See Some Difference In A Man When He Cheats:  Some men are better covering up their cheating than others.  Some are very transparent so that it's obvious that something is going on.  These are the guys that get flustered or defensive when you ask them innocent questions or who become red in the face or immediately excuse themselves when a text or phone call comes from the other person.  These men can be quite easy to read, even if you don't want to see the signs.

But not all men fit into this category.  Many are more crafty and deceptive than this.  Many will attempt to cover their tracks.  They'll erase their texts or emails and they'll act quite normally when they are around you and / or have very plausible reasons for being late or absent.  In fact, their stories can sometimes make quite a bit of sense and you may tell yourself that you're being silly or imaging the changes.

But here's the thing.  It's very hard to change your life this dramatically and betray someone in this way and not have some tell tale signs that are left behind.  Usually, you'll just notice a change even if you can not put your finger on exactly what it is.  He may be distracted, cold, defensive, critical, or scattered.  He might be short with you or so far away that you can't quite reach him.

Or, he could go the opposite route and overcompensate and be incredibly sweet and accommodating even if this isn't his regular behavior.  And that's the rub.  You'll often see a change in his regular behavior.  I often tell people that this is what you should zero in on.

Any Change Or Differences In A Man's Regular Behavior Can Be (But Isn't Always) A Sign of Cheating:  People often assume that a man will act differently in a negative way when he's cheating.  But this isn't always the case.  You may well notice differences, but they may not always been worrisome or problematic.

Sure, many women do notice that he's not as affectionate, is critical, is absent more, seems distracted, or participates in odd behaviors like a sudden change in his appearance, or a willingness to do his own laundry, charge his own cell phone, or wash his own car.  But sometimes, the signs and differences are more subtle.  Sometimes it's just a subtle change in the air or environment.  And some men cheat during working or school hours so it's harder to tell that something is wrong.

Still, a man who is cheating will often have some differences in his personality, routine, or behaviors.  They might be good differences.  And they might be bad differences, but you'll often notice them even if you're not conscious of them at first. I've even had women tell me that they'd never been happier in the relationship  than when their husband was cheating (although they didn't know he was cheating at the time) because he was so sweet and attentive at that time.

And there are other woman who will tell you that the differences in the man and the relationship were not good ones.  They'll say that he suddenly wasn't interested in or was critical of them. Or that the guy who was always so reliable was suddenly late or not home as much. Or, that the guy who never cared if his clothes matched before suddenly became very interested in fashion and how he looks. The point is that although the changes in a cheating man may take many different forms, the changes are often there if you look for them.

I was in this same situation a short time ago. My heart knew that he was different and likely cheating, but my head didn't want to acknowledge it. I told myself that I was just seeing things that weren't there. But deep down, I knew I was kidding myself. After thinking on it for a long time, I decided that I really wanted to know the truth, no matter what that truth was. I learned how to get concrete information and proof that my husband thought that he had hid and erased. And I found exactly what I feared. You can read a very personal story at

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Seeta Dean has 9428 articles online and 6 fans

Seeta Dean's catch cheating blog is at

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Do Men Act Different When They Are Cheating On You?

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This article was published on 2010/09/15
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